something That i wrote a while ago about the growing up

I have sat and thought and realized. That thru the passage of time.
I am not the same person you used to know I'm no longer 18 what i said and did then was stupid and immature. Was most likely full of hatred and some sort of frustration. Towards life and others.

Almost five years has passed since we have talked. I still feel so many of those questions still lie unanswered that i used to ask myself. No one has seen me or really that i have not seen anyone. I realize we might as well be strangers. So much time has passed and we both lived our lives, we have most likely forgotten each other, Because i haven't been in your life and most definitely you haven't been in mine. Was i simply forgotten or was it to painful to think of where i was. For some reason i never heard from anyone and now i question where was everyone or anyone. For those who considered me friends or who i considered a friend. I know you were busy. And at the same time so was i, but yet the question still comes around?

Are we still compatible as friends? Or has to much time passed. Did you treat me wrongly or more likely did i treat you wrong. Was it something i said or did was it a gesture or a facial expression i gave you. Looking back i realize i have failed all to many times as a friend, not only in what i did, but what i said.

Looking thru these words and these many years. I now ask myself is making new friends even worth attempting all though somehow i have made new friends. Friends who i could have never made it through without. Yet i ask will i fail new friends as badly as i failed the old ones. Would my old friends even want me back. Would you even want to see me. Or has to much time passed and that door is all ready been sealed shut.

Surely i have said and done things to be considered as treating you badly or taking advantage of you.

Sadly no matter how many times i apologize it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't get across the message of how truly sorry i am for my behaviors. I hope you realize with the passage of time people change and hopefully i have changed for the better. I promise I'm not the same person.

I also realize everyone around me has changed, and I'm still learning to accept that. I realize more then ever the world kept turning even though i was gone...

I'm still so very lost, but I'd like to think I'm not as full of hate and frustration as i once was when i was 18 All i want is a second chance. A chance to show I'm different. That I have changed and become someone everyone wants to know.

Thanks for reading whats on my mind....